At 48, I decided to grow out my blonde bob.
It was time to love my age – and take a look at the ‘real me.’
As my silver roots grew, my friends -- lovingly, thoughtfully – weighed in. The conversations went like this: “Don’t do it! You’ll look so much older!” and “I’d never do it; I work with Millennials. I don’t want to look like a grandma.”
My three sisters, all older than I am and actual grandmas, said, “I can’t go grey because my partner isn’t grey.” Dozens of times I was told, “Mine would be a terrible colour. I’d look awful.”
They got me worried, and also got me thinking: were they right? Would I look old? Older than they did? And should I care about how old I looked?
What surprised me most was everyone’s fear. There’s no other word for it. These women were being loving and supportive; they were worried that something might happen to me if I ‘aged.’ They implied that it wasn’t good for me if I looked older, as if going grey would damage me.
I say this with the utmost love and respect (and without judgement): these beautiful, smart, educated, powerful women were afraid for me. And I guess that means that they were also a little afraid for themselves, somehow.
I’m not an expert in ageing, but here’s what I think: many of us believe – after more than a hundred years of women’s rights – that it’s a problem to look our age. Diversity does not yet welcome older people with grey hair.
We value youth. We’re not supposed to love our age.
Of course, ageism affects everyone, not just women. We feel it in the workplace and in retail, in how we’re marketed to and treated, fired, hired and desired. In a UK Study, Elastic Generation: The Female Edit, more than half the women polled felt that “their age now makes them invisible to society.”
Invisible.
Irrelevant.
Afraid.
But here’s the thing: for me, none of my friends’ fears have come true.
Yes, I think they're right – I do look older than women my age who colour their hair. But I also look good. Older. But good.
Why did I do it so early? The short answer is freedom.
I wanted to see what I looked like. I also wanted to stop putting chemicals on my head every eight weeks, then six, then four. I wanted to be free of the cost of salons and reclaim the hours I spent hiding my grey roots.
I wanted to love my age.
I say this with relief: I'm done. I've aged. I'm grey. Now I get to head gracefully into the rest of my life. There will be no shocking transition when I’m 70 or 80, just me growing older as I am.
So, what's it like being grey?
1. I get more compliments about my appearance than when I was thirty. I'm shy about this but it's true: strangers often stop me and tell me I look beautiful. Women and men do this, and young people, too. What a fun gift in the middle of my life!
2. It’s simplified my relationships with people of all ages. Being grey brings incredible freedom; now people 'read' me right. I am 50+. I look 50+. I'm not trying to appear 35; I have the grey hair to prove it.
3. Women ALL say the same thing: "But your hair is a beautiful colour. Mine would be awful." Every woman says this to me -- and I'm pretty sure that, statistically, not all of these women would have an 'awful' colour of grey! Who knows? Maybe yours is beautiful.
4. People ask me if I colour my hair silver. There's irony for you! The answer is nope. It’s me, naturally.
5. Young women love that I've gone grey. They tell me I'm a role model and that they love my hair.
Do I judge everyone who keeps colouring? No.
Does it make me look older? Honestly – I think yes.
It is easier? Fun? Even a little exciting to see what you look like underneath the dye? Absolutely.
If you're curious, I have lots of advice about my grey hair journey here at Love Your Age — with more women’s grey hair stories to come! The short answer is that I let it happen slowly. I grew out my roots over 18 months and enjoyed the authentic reveal of the Real Me. I wanted time to get used to myself, time to love my age.
Whatever you decide to do, know this: you might be pleasantly surprised by who you are underneath your hair colour. Maybe. But that choice is 100% up to you.